There’s a lot of “what if only..” questions that can be quite self destructive. You could have asked other ones, but they probably wouldn’t improve your life quality either. Like “What if your mom had stayed with your biological dad in stead?” What person would you have been today then?

Or what if she had stayed with her first husband (or he had lived longer, whatever it was)? Then you wouldn’t have existed at all.

But all these questions need to be put in a constructive way. The road to perfection goes through suffering. So utilize that suffering for your own benefit.

Never, ever fall into the self pity ditch. It’s the most destructive one. You made it through, and that’s what’s important. Get the loads off your chest with someone older and wiser than you, that you trust. But not with someone who didn’t overcome well themselves. Don’t moan with the choir. Never join a self pity and life sucks litany.

As a Christian, I find meditating on the sufferings of Christ valuable. If you are a Christian (I have no idea if you are), you could reach very profound meditations because of your own pain.

If it’s not for you, then meditate on the life stories of others who overcame something profound. Open your perspective, but choose wisely. I wish you all success.

(Your name sounds totally Norwegian☺) You even look like one! That’s the only reason I clicked on your story btw. Funny